


how did i not know? how did i not understand?

by autistic_nightfury



Series: just woojinnie and channie [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Aromantic, Bisexual Male Character, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Daddy Kink, ETA: I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORKS TO BE TAKEN FROM AO3 AND UPLOADED TO ANY OTHER APPS/SITES, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Genderqueer Character, Grinding, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Character, Wet Dream, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 17:17:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19114213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autistic_nightfury/pseuds/autistic_nightfury
Summary: “Hey.” Chan breathed out and pulled his sweater down over his crotch.“What’s wrong? Do you-” Woojin cut himself off when he glanced down and saw Chan’s bulge, a shit eating grin taking over his features. “Were you looking at porn, at work?” Chan blushed, but nodded, not wanting to admit that he had just read smut starring himself and the man standing in front of him.“Got bored.” He said, clearing his voice awkwardly and sitting down on the couch again. Woojin laughed, slumping down on the other end.“Gross. Anyway, I came here to ask you if you wanted to eat lunch with me, but I can leave you if you want to get off. I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Woojin added a small wink at the end, but his smile dropped when he saw Chan’s frown.“Woojin.” He began, but then he didn’t know how to continue. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. “Have you ever kissed a guy?” Woojin blinked in surprise, shifting so he was sitting on one of his feet.“No?” There was a beat of awkward silence before he continued. “Have you?” Chan chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck.“Many times.” Woojin’s mouth fell open in shock.





	how did i not know? how did i not understand?

**Author's Note:**

> this was not meant to get this long...... idk how i ended up here. 
> 
> chan if youre reading this... how meta of you. now stop.
> 
> additional warnings: idk if there are any that arent already covered in the tags??
> 
> have fun, stay safe, break a leg!
> 
> [EDITING NOTE: im going through this and correcting minor mistakes (grammar, spelling, etc.) nd i just wanted to say that the working title for this was 'chan has read fanfiction']

Chan wasn’t sure how he had ended up like this.

He had taken a break during producing, logging onto his undercover account and creeping around the English speaking part of Stay Twitter. It was interesting to see the fandom from the inside and not just from the outside, laughing at the Stays who were speculating about him having a secret account.

But then he had seen a thread, a block list with many users, and the account that had posted it had said that they were nsfw accounts, and encouraged others to block and report them. Curious, he had clicked on one of them and his eyes widened when he saw what it was.

“ _Holy shit._ ” He had mumbled to himself as he scrolled through the account, taking in the porn videos that were labeled things like ‘top m!nho, bottom j!sun.g’. He had gulped, getting up to lock the door to the room he was sitting in and moving to the couch with his laptop in his lap.

He had quickly realised that it wasn’t only videos, but also writing; curiousity had got the best of him and he had clicked on one, that ironically was about Jisung finding nsfw fanfiction and getting off to it. By the end of the thread he had been half hard in his pants, images of Felix fucking Jisung in his head. He had scrolled back up a little, and seen the site that had been mentioned; AO3. He had googled it, and here he was now, in the Stray Kids tag on archiveofourown.

He opened the filters, and after a few seconds of hesitation he clicked the ‘Explicit’ tag, swallowing the lump of shame in his throat. His eyes widened even more as he saw the tags on the fics, but his dick twitched in interest. He scrolled a little, past the ones with very… hardcore tags, until he found one that appealed more to his tastes.

“ _Saying that I want more, this is what I live for._ ” He mumbled the title to himself, and clicked on it, and started with the first chapter; Woojin x Chan. He could feel his face and ears heat up as he read, and he let out a small gasp when he got to the part where Woojin choked him. Curious, he raised his hand and rested it around his throat, squeezing lightly on the sides. His body jolted, his hips thrusting up on their own at the sensation. He ripped his hand away, panting as he stared down at his now-raging boner.

There came a knock from the door, and then a familiar voice.

“Channie? Why have you locked the door?” Woojin whined, and Chan gulped, slamming his laptop closed before getting up and opening for the older man, pulling him in and closing the door behind him. Woojin looked at him with raised eyebrows as he locked the door again.

“Hey.” Chan breathed out and pulled his sweater down over his crotch.

“What’s wrong? Do you-” Woojin cut himself off when he glanced down and saw Chan’s bulge, a shit eating grin taking over his features. “Were you looking at porn, at work?” Chan blushed, but nodded, not wanting to admit that he had just read smut starring himself and the man standing in front of him.

“Got bored.” He said, clearing his voice awkwardly and sitting down on the couch again. Woojin laughed, slumping down on the other end.

“Gross. Anyway, I came here to ask you if you wanted to eat lunch with me, but I can leave you if you want to get off. I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Woojin added a small wink at the end, but his smile dropped when he saw Chan’s frown.

“Woojin.” He began, but then he didn’t know how to continue. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. “Have you ever kissed a guy?” Woojin blinked in surprise, shifting so he was sitting on one of his feet.

“No?” There was a beat of awkward silence before he continued. “Have you?” Chan chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck.

“Many times.” Woojin’s mouth fell open in shock.

“Really? So you’re, are you gay?” Chan shook his head softly.

“Bisexual, but yeah. I even had a boyfriend when I was a trainee.” Woojin nodded, and Chan looked anxiously at his face, trying to read his facial expressions.

“Cool, I guess. I mean, I don’t have a problem with, y’know? I support you.” The older man said stiffly, and they stared a few seconds at each other before singing the crow part from Awkward Silence, then broke out into laughter.

“So, you were talking lunch?” Chan spoke up after a few minutes of comfortable silence, and Woojin smiled at him.

“Let’s go.” As they walked to the JYP Entertainment café, Chan looked at Woojin’s hands. They weren’t much longer than his, but broader, and he wondered briefly how they would feel around his throat. He waved the thought away quickly, not wanting to pop a boner in the middle of the caféteria.

 

Later that day, when most of the other members had gone to bed, he opened his laptop again and remembered what he had been reading earlier. He curled up in the corner of the couch, angling his laptop so no one could see the screen if they walked in. He got comfortable under his blanket, and kept reading. There were eight chapters, and when he finished the fifth one he was achingly hard. He grumbled, but shoved a hand down his pants, muffling his gasps into his sleeve as he jerked off to the thought of getting fucked rough by Felix.

He didn’t know why he was masturbating in the living room, where anyone could walk in and see him. He couldn’t deny that there was a certain thrill to it, that made the heat in his stomach rise quickly.

“Ch-Chan hyung?” His head snapped up, making eye contact with Seungmin, who was standing in the door of the bathroom. Chan pulled his hand out of his pants, but the damage was done. His face turned red, and he hid his face in his palms.

“I’m sorry Seungmin, I’ll go to the bathroom instead.” He pushed his laptop to the side and stood up, but Seungmin grabbed his wrist before he could run out of the room.

“Why were you jerking off in the living room?” He asked, and Chan panicked.

“I was reading fanfiction!” He blurted out, and then slapped a hand over his mouth, cursing himself for even speaking. Seungmin looked at him in confusion, letting go of his wrist.

“Fanfiction?” Chan nodded, and Seungmin sat down on the couch, picking up his laptop and scanning the screen. “About us?” Chan nodded again, hanging his head low in shame.

“I swear I’m not trying to be creepy, I saw it earlier today but I didn’t finish reading it, please don’t tell the others-” He rambled, and Seungmin looked up at him, effectively cutting him off.

“ _Are you gay_ , hyung?” He asked, shutting the laptop and setting it down next to him.

“ _Bisexual_.” Seungmin smiled carefully at him.

“ _So am I_.” Chan blinked, and then he sat down next to the younger and enveloped him in a tight hug. They broke away after a few minutes, giddy smiles on their faces.

“I’m so glad me and Lix aren’t the only ones in the group that aren’t straight.” Seungmin’s face lit up even more, and he bounced up and down in his seat.

“Felix too? Hyung, I’m so happy, I didn’t think I would ever be able to come out to anyone.” His eyes glistened with tears, and Chan chuckled, caressing his cheek gently.

“Well you have us, and I came out to Woojin earlier today, and he accepted me, so he’ll accept you too.” Seungmin shuffled onto Chan’s lap to hug him closer, giggling when Chan’s erection brushed against his leg.

“Can you sleep in my bed tonight hyung? Though you should probably take care of that first.” Chan smiled and nuzzled his face into Seungmin’s neck.

“But this is more comfortable. I’ll just let it die down.” Seungmin scoffed, but stayed on Chan’s lap, loping his arms around the older’s neck and curling up against his chest.

“Chan hyung?” He asked after a few minutes, and Chan hummed in response, his eye lids heavy. “Have you ever kissed a guy?”

“My first kiss was with a guy.” Seungmin looked up at him in surprise, and then he looked down again.

“I’ve never kissed a guy.” He pouted, and Chan chuckled, patting his head.

“Want to kiss me?” Seungmin blushed but nodded, and Chan guided his face up, softly connecting their lips. Seungmin giggled into his mouth and broke away quickly, smiling up at his leader.

“Thanks hyung.” He whispered, leaning his head against Chan’s shoulder. Chan smiled too, kissing the top of his head. They heard the a door open, and then Felix peaked out of one of the bedrooms, sleep mask pushed up to his forehead.

“Hyung? Seungminnie?” He murmured, and walked over to them, sinking down ontop of Chan’s blanket and squinting at them. “ _Why so cuddly?_ ” Chan smiled, rubbing his hand up and down Seungmin’s back.

“Wanna tell him?” Seungmin smiled and nodded.

“ _I’m bisexual_ Yongbok!” Chan was surprised when he spoke in English, but joined in when Felix squeaked and hugged Seungmin.

“ _I’m so proud of you Minnie! Now there’s three of us!_ ” Felix sighed happily, nuzzling against Seungmin’s shoulder.

“ _There’s probably more, judging on the way_ Hyunjin _looks at_ Changbin hyung.” Seungmin giggled, and Chan nodded.

“Maybe we can tell the others tomorrow, if you want that? Woojin already knows that I’m bisexual.” He added, and the two younger men hummed in agreement.

“ _Can we do it in a fun way? Like, jump out of a closet with a banner that says ‘we’re bisexual!’ or something like that._ ” Felix suggested, and Chan laughed.

“We should probably do it more seriously, what if someone else wants to come out? We need to create a comfortable enviroment.”

“We can do it tomorrow night.” Seungmin yawned, and when he shifted in Chan’s lap his ass rubbed against the older’s erection. Chan groaned, holding Seungmin away from his crotch and laughed awkwardly.

“I’m gonna take care of this, you two go to bed. Seungmin, I’ll join you when I’m done, so get in bed.” Seungmin smiled, and the two younger hugged him before shuffling off to bed. Chan stretched, picking up his laptop and bringing it with him to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He sat down on the floor with his back against the wall, his laptop beside him. He then pushed his sweatpants and underwear down so he could pull his cock out.

Chan moved his right hand up and down slowly, thinking back to that first chapter. He exhaled shakily and pressed lightly on the sides of his throat with his left hand, moaning quietly. He moved his fist faster, his hips bucking up at the thought of his own hands being replaced by Woojin’s broader ones, and he whined in the back of his throat. It didn’t take long for him to come, spilling all over his hand and onto his sweatpants. He blinked, panting hard as he stared down at the mess he had made. He laughed a little, and brought his hand to his mouth, experimentally licking some of the semen. He scrunched up his nose at the unfamiliar taste, but he couldn’t deny that there was something exciting about it, so he licked it all off, sucking on his fingers to get the last traces.

He washed his hands - ignoring the uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach - and shucked his dirtied pants in the laundry basket before joining Seungmin in bed, curling up around the younger man from behind.

 

_“Fuck, Chan I’m close.” Woojin said, and Chan made an eager noise, opening his mouth as the older man jerked off faster above him. Soon he was coming, coating Chan’s face in white ribbons that said man happily licked off._

_“Thank you.” He sighed happily, and Woojin smiled at him, holding his still-hard cock to Chan’s mouth._

_“Round two baby?” He asked with a smirk, and Chan nodded, opening his mouth again for Woojin to thrust into, moaning around the girth-_

That morning Chan grumbled when he realised he had had a wet dream - although he could barely remember the contents until many days later - and sprinted to the bathroom before anyone could see the damp spot in his underwear.

The rest of the day was hectic but they all gathered in the living room that evening, piled on top of each other. Chan clapped his hands together, and his members all turned their attention to him.

“I promise this isn’t anything bad, me, Felix, and Seungmin, have something to tell you all. Want me to start boys?” He directed the last sentence to the younger men, and they nodded, looking up at him encouragingly. “I told Woojin this yesterday, but I’m bisexual.” Jisung and Hyunjin lit up, Woojin smiled fondly at him, Jeongin looked mildly confused, and Changbin stood up immediately to hug him, joined by Minho after a few seconds.

“I love you hyung.” The former murmured into his neck, and Chan’s cheeks hurt from smiling so widely.

“And me and Seungmin wanted to follow up and say that we are as well.” Felix said, and Hyunjin got up and threw himself at the two, laughing happily.

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one!” Jisung said, standing up and enveloping Chan in a hug when Changbin and Minho stepped away, and Chan felt a warmth spread from his chest to the rest of his body. He pulled away a little so he could look at Jisung’s face, taking in his gummy smile.

“You wanna come out officially?” He asked, and Jisung nodded.

“Well, I’m pansexual.” He turned to the others when he said it.

“And so am I!” Hyunjin piped up, and got wrapped up by Seungmin and Felix in a giggly hug. Jeongin frowned, putting his hand up like he was in school.

“I don’t mean to sound rude, but can you explain what it means?” Jeongin said, and Woojin patted him on the shoulder before explaining.

“Bisexual is when you’re attracted to two or more genders, and pansexual is when gender doesn’t matter to you.” Jisung and Chan raised their eyebrows at him, and he shrugged. “I may have spent last night looking up what different sexualities are.”

“Anyone else wanna come out?” Seungmin said, and Minho put his hand up.

“I’m gray-aromantic, which means I don’t fall in love that easily, and when I do it’s not that strong. Personally I put more importance on platonic relationships.” He quickly accepted the high five from Changbin.

“I’m uh, not fully a man? There’s an English term for it, _genderqueer?_ ” Changbin said, looking to Chan for confirmation; his leader nodded in encouragement. “I’ve been questioning my gender for a couple of months, and I think _genderqueer_ fits best for me. And I’m not straight either.” He gave a small insecure smile, and Minho clung onto his back, nuzzling against his head.

“Do you want us to keep using he pronouns for you?” Chan asked, and Changbin nodded, grunting when Hyunjin crawled into his lap and hugged him, pecking him on the cheeks.

“I’m fine with being called a man or guy, so don’t worry about that either.” He added

“I like boys.” Jeongin blurted out, nervously tugging on his ear. “I-I don’t know what I would call myself, but I like boys, and girls.” Seungmin and Felix gasped, falling over each other to hug the maknae.

“Look at us! We should just rename ourselves _Gay Kids!_ ” Hyunjin exclaimed, making everyone laugh.

“Wait, what about Woojin hyung? Are you straight or not?” Felix said, and everyone turned to the oldest, who shrugged, looking a bit tense.

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it before.” He said, and Hyunjin reached out to pat him on the arm.

“That’s okay hyung, take your time.” Woojin smiled, intertwining his fingers with the younger man.

“So, anyone that needs a first kiss with a guy? ‘Cause I’m offering.” Chan said, wiggling his eyebrows, and Changbin pouted.

“I would take you up on that if someone could let go of me.” He glared at Hyunjin and Minho, and the younger rolled off his lap clumsily, crawling into Woojin’s lap instead. Chan stepped around him and kneeled in front of Changbin, cradling his face and pulling him close. The younger man’s lips were soft and plush, tasting faintly of the fruit juice he had drunk earlier. It lasted only a few seconds, but when they broke away the rest of the members broke out into whooping and cheers, making the two rappers blush.

“Hey, I want a kiss from Chan hyung too!” Jeongin grumped, but it turned into a smile when Chan pulled him in for a kiss as well. His lips were slightly chapped, and he moved unsurely, but Chan could feel his smile get wider. They broke away, ears red, and Chan saw Felix pouting at him from his position on the floor.

“You’re just gonna have to kiss us all hyung, it’s the only way.” He mused, and Chan rolled his eyes before leaning down and kissing him as well. Felix was more confident but still soft, rubbing their noses together after they broke away. Chan smiled, and then Hyunjin grabbed him by the pants and pulled him over, smashing their lips together and sliding a hand into Chan’s hair.

“Get a room!” Minho groaned, and Hyunjin flipped him off.

“Hey! You’ve kissed multiple guys already, you just wanted to kiss Channie hyung!” Jisung complained, and Chan laughed.

“Anyone can kiss me, how about that?” He immediately regretted saying that when Hyunjin pulled him back into a kiss, sloppily licking into his mouth, and Minho draped over his back and covered Chan’s neck in kisses. He squeaked, and the rest of the band laughed as he tried to get away.

“Hey, I want a kiss from hyung too! Stop hogging him.” Jisung whined, tugging at Chan’s arm. Hyunjin broke away and wrapped his legs around Chan’s waist, and their leader groaned, laying down on top of Hyunjin carefully.

“One at a time please?” He said, his voice muffled by Hyunjin’s hoodie. Jisung got down on all fours next to them, and Chan angled his face up to kiss him as well. Jisung was more confident, grabbing Chan by the chin to lead. He tasted of spearmint toothpaste, and Chan squeaked when the younger nibbled carefully on his bottom lip.

“You taste good.” Jisung said when he pulled away, and Chan giggled, feeling slightly light headed from all the attention.

“Is this a one time offer? Or can I take you up on that later?” Minho said, and Chan pushed him off so he could sit up on his haunches.

“I mean, if anyone wants a kiss they can just ask, does that sound good?” He suggested, and the others nodded enthusiastically. Minho pecked him on the cheek before getting up, pulling out his phone to check the time.

“We have an early schedule tomorrow so we should get to bed. Jisung, sleep in my bed tonight?” The younger lit up and nodded, standing up and following Minho to his room. Chan stood up as well, stretching his arms above his head.

“The rest of us should go to bed as well.” He said, yawning loudly as he walked to the kitchen for a cup of tea. He could hear the others shuffling off to bed, so he wasn’t prepared when he felt a chin hook over his shoulder. He jolted, but a glance to the side showed a familiar hooked nose and brown hair.

“Channie…” He sounded tired, nearly sad, and Chan turned to face Woojin.

“What’s wrong bear?” He asked softly, and Woojin bit his lip, and then leaned his body against Chan’s, resting his head against his shoulder. Chan’s breath hitched slightly, but he loosely wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist, smiling when he felt Woojin nuzzle his face into his neck and hug him back.

“How did you know? That you were bisexual I mean.” He asked quietly after a few minutes and Chan hummed in thought.

“I realised it ‘cause I looked at guys and felt the same way as I did when I looked at girls. I also experimented with other guys when I was a trainee.” He pulled away slightly so he could look at Woojin’s face, and smiled when he saw his tired expression. “Wanna know a secret?” Woojin nodded, and Chan leaned in closer. “I’ve hooked up with both Yugyeom and BamBam, once at the same time.” Woojin’s jaw fell slack, and Chan giggled.

“How scandalous.” He whispered dramatically, and they giggled together, taking small steps so they could be closer to each other. Their chests pressed together, and Chan could feel how Woojin’s rose and fell as he breathed. He sighed happily, taking in the scent of Woojin; it was so distinctly home, and Woojin, and it might just be the best thing he had ever smelled.

“Woojin?” Chan asked, and Woojin hummed in response. “Have you been questioning your sexuality?” He could feel the older man freeze for a second, and then nodding.

“Since yesterday. When you came out it got me thinking, and I realised that I’ve never thought about it before? So now I’ve decided to explore it.” Chan felt pride bloom in his chest, and he held Woojin closer.

“I’m glad you feel comfortable with telling me that.” He whispered, and Woojin giggled, turning his head to kiss Chan on the cheek but aimed wrong, landing on the corner of his mouth instead. They both froze, and then started giggling awkwardly; they untangled from each other and Chan turned back to the counter quickly to hide his blush, resuming making tea. Woojin leaned with his back against the counter, picking on his shorts.

“I don’t even know why that was awkward, you just told us it was okay for us to kiss you.” He mumbled, and Chan bit his lip and nodded. It was quiet again, but it was lighter, and Chan glanced at him, a smile spreading across his face when he realised the older man was looking at him, with what he could only describe as a fond look on his face.

“You want some tea as well?” He asked, and Woojin nodded, sliding up next to Chan and picking a mug from the cabinet. They stood there, hips pressed together as they waited for the water to boil. It was comfortable, domestic nearly, and it caused a warm flutter in his chest that Chan couldn’t fully understand.

They sat down together after the tea had brewed, across from each other at the dining table. They drank in silence, occasionally looking at each other with small smiles.

Chan was halfway finished with his tea when Woojin was done and he expected the older man to leave, so he was pleasantly surprised when he returned, sitting down on the same side as Chan. He smiled at him and scooted closer, so their knees were touching.

“I know I asked you this yesterday, but has it changed? Have you kissed a guy yet?” Chan asked, taking a long sip as Woojin answered.

“Not yet, but I was thinking about taking you up on that offer you made earlier.” Chan nearly choked on his tea, but managed to swallow it down before staring at Woojin. The older man’s expression fell, and he pulled away a bit. “Unless you changed your mind? It’s totally fi-” Chan shook his head, placing his hand on Woojin’s knee.

“No! No, it’s totally fine, I just wasn’t expecting it.” He pushed his mug away and turned to Woojin, moving his hand from his knee to his jaw. “Just relax.” He added before leaning in, encouraging Woojin to lean in as well. The older man’s eyes fluttered shut first, and Chan could smell that familiar warm scent, the scent of home; he took a deep breath before closing the distance.

Sweet. He tasted sweet, like the peach lip balm he had stolen from Hyunjin a week ago, and the remnaints of tea in his mouth. He was careful, soft lips moving gently against Chan’s plumper ones, and he brought a hand up to grab Chan’s T-shirt. He tilted his head slightly, moving with more vigor and running his tongue along the seam of Chan’s mouth. Chan swallowed before opening his mouth, sighing through his nose at the sensation of Woojin’s hot tongue against his own. They moved so, so slowly, scooting closer to each other and Chan rubbed his thumb against his soft cheek. Woojin moved his hand up to the back of Chan’s head, pulling him in closer so he could push his tongue farther in, and Chan let out a whine. The noise seemed to spur Woojin on, because he ran his fingers down Chan’s sensitive neck, drawing a shuddery moan from him. Chan pulled away quickly, both of them panting as they stared into each other’s eyes, cheeks flushed and lips shiny.

“I didn’t expect you to be so noisy.” Woojin said quietly and Chan averted his eyes, giggling nervously.

“I didn’t expect you to try to suck my tongue out of my head.” He teased back, and Woojin let out an offended gasp.

“Excuse you, are you saying I’m a bad kisser?” Chan giggled again, leaning forward and pecking Woojin on the cheek.

“I was joking bear, you were great.” Woojin smirked, nuzzling their noses together.

“How was I compared to the other members?” He asked, and Chan’s smile widened, pecking Woojin on the nose.

“I can’t compare you to Minho since I haven’t kissed him, but I would say you’re one of the best, together with Felix.” Chan answered, unable to stop himself from leaning in and kissing Woojin again. They were more aggressive that time, Chan getting confident and nipping on Woojin’s bottom lip. The older man gasped as he pulled away, smacking Chan lightly on the thigh.

“You’re a brat.” He mumbled before diving back in, and Chan felt the familiar lurch of arousal in his stomach. He opened his mouth nearly immediately for Woojin to explore, letting the older man take the lead.

Brat. The word made him think about that fanfic chapter he had read, where he had been a brat and Felix fucked him into submission, and it made him weak in the knees to think of Woojin doing that to him. But a cold lump of shame sat heavy in his stomach, and he pulled away, sinking in on himself. Woojin looked at him in concern, and Chan smiled weakly at him.

“I’m okay.” He said, but Woojin didn’t look like he believed him.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked softly, and Chan bit his lip, hanging his head lower.

“You didn’t do anything wrong bear, just my thoughts being stupid.” Woojin frowned, wrapping him into a tight hug and rubbing his back.

“You want to tell me about it?” He said, and Chan hesitated, trying to figure out how to say it without revealing he had been fantasizing about the older man.

“Internalized homophobia.” He finally sighed, burying his head into Woojin’s shoulder.

“Can you explain what it means?” Woojin asked, and Chan hummed in thought.

“Well, I’ve basically internalized the logic of homophobia, so I feel ashamed for being attracted to men. I’m trying to work on it, but it’s been hard to deal with it alone.” He sniffled, not realizing he had even started crying. Woojin pulled away to wipe his tears, smiling softly at him.

“So you feel ashamed for kissing me? And the others?” He asked, and Chan shrugged.

“Eh, it’s worse the closer to sex it is.” He muttered, and Woojin squeaked.

“Oh.” He said, a confused look on his face. “But you said that you hooked up with BamBam and Yugyeom? Was it bad back then too?” Chan cringed, and nodded.

“It was worse. I ignored it as much as possible, but sometimes it got so overwhelming I just cried.” Woojin frowned, cradling Chan’s face and rubbing at the tear tracks.

“We’ll be there for you, yeah? We’re your family, we’ll help you.” He said, and Chan nodded again, happily accepting the pecks to his lips.

“We might just have to rename ourselves Gay Kids, bear.” He chuckled, and Woojin rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, for the kisses.” He said, pecking Chan one last time before getting up, patting him on the shoulder. “Go to sleep soon, okay? I love you.” He said and shuffled off to his room, leaving Chan with confused feelings and tented jeans.

 

_He was laying in a park. It was so nice and warm in the sunlight, and he turned over in the grass, coming to face Woojin. The older man stared at him, lust heavy in his dark eyes. Chan smiled and pulled Woojin closer to him and kissed him, enjoying the way his stubble scratched his cheeks._

_“Channie.” The older man whined, and his smooth voice went straight to Chan’s dick. “I want you.” He sounded so breathy, so desperate, and Chan rolled over so he was on top, holding Woojin down by the wrists and licking along his tan neck._

_“How do you want me cub?” He whispered, and Woojin gasped, arching his back as Chan grinded down against him._

_“I want you to ride me, please.” Chan groaned, ripping off their clothes and straddling Woojin’s stomach, breath hitching as he felt the older man’s thick cock between his cheeks._

_“Mhm, I’m gonna ride you so well.” He said, leaning forward so he could press the tip of Woojin’s cock against his entrance and sink down on it. He twirled his hips, enjoying the way Woojin moaned and squirmed underneath him._

_“Channie…” He whimpered, and Chan leaned down so he could hear him better, but he didn’t expect to be flipped over and pinned to the ground, Woojin’s cock shoved in to the hilt. The older man smirked at him, picking Chan’s legs up and holding them against his shoulders so he was bent in half. “You didn’t think I was gonna let you take control, did you baby boy?” Chan’s breath hitched, eyes wide, as Woojin started pounding into him. He cried out, every thrust sending stars across his vision, clinging hard onto Woojin’s shoulders._

_“Please, please, more Daddy, please Daddy!” He screamed, the tension building in the pit of his stomach, his head swirling with pleasure-_

Chan woke up, sweaty and with a damp spot in his underwear. He stared out into the dark bedroom, swearing quietly as he climbed out of the bunk bed and waddled out to the bathroom to clean up. He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face as he stepped in, not caring to lock the door. He shoved his sweatpants down and frowned at the feeling of cum sticking to his skin. He peeled down his underwear, stepping out of them and holding them above the laundry hamper, but a voice in his head stopped him. He brought them to his face instead, and after a few moments of internal debate he stuck his tongue out and licked it languidly, savoring the creamy texture.

“Chan?!” Someone hissed from the door, and Chan whipped his head up to face Woojin, who was staring at him with a slack jaw. He dropped the boxers like they were on fire, his face burning with shame.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be gross...” He apologized, angry and embarassed tears filling his eyes. He looked everywhere but Woojin’s face, panic creeping up his throat. Before he could say anything, Woojin wrapped him into his arms, shushing and rubbing his back to comfort him.

“It’s okay Channie, don’t cry, I’m not disgusted, please don’t cry.” He whispered into Chan’s ear, and Chan took a shaky breath, nodding against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Woojin pulled away, arms still wrapped around Chan’s waist, and shook his head.

“I’m not judging you Channie.” He said, and Chan smiled weakly, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I would kiss you if I didn’t still have cum in my mouth.” He laughed, and Woojin laughed along, shaking his head.

“We need to get up in like an hour, so why don’t you brush your teeth and get dressed and join me on the couch? We can cuddle.” He offered, and Chan hugged him again and then pushed him out the door. He moved the boxers to the laundry hamper and stepped back into his sweatpants after wiping the cum off his crotch, rinsing quickly with mouthwash.

When he walked into the living room, Woojin was lying in a bundle of blankets, only his head sticking out. He smiled at Chan, scooting to the side so the younger man could climb in behind him. Chan kissed him on the cheek and wrapped his arms around him, tucking his head into Woojin’s shoulder.

“It’s been a while since we cuddled bear, I’ve missed you.” He said, and Woojin hummed in agreement.

“Let’s just talk, we haven’t done that in a while either.” Woojin suggested, and Chan nodded. “You’ve been kinda withdrawn lately, is everything alright?”

“Yeah of course, just tired. I’ve needed an opportunity to unwind and relax.” Woojin turned his head so he could see his face, and smirked a little.

“Is that what you were doing earlier?” He teased, and Chan groaned, kicking him lightly in the shin.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I had a wet dream.” He sniped back, and Woojin wiggled his eyebrows at him. “No I’m not telling you about it.” He added, and Woojin instead pouted at him.

“Channie.” He whined, echoing how dream-Woojin had sounded and making Chan’s stomach twist pleasantly. “Please, we’re best friends, best friends tell each other things like this.”

“I regret becoming your best friend.” Chan joked, and Woojin turned around in his arms to pout at him, their noses grazing each other. Chan’s heart was pounding in his chest as he looked upon the features of the man in front of him, taking in his bright eyes, his strong jaw, his hooked nose, his lips, the little bit of stubble that was scattered across his chin and upper lip.

“You tell me about it, and I’ll tell you about the latest wet dream I had. Deal?” Woojin said, wiggling his hand out of the blankets to extend his pinky to Chan. Chan rolled his eyes but hooked their pinky fingers together.

“You start.” He insisted, and Woojin glared playfully at him.

“It was kinda vague, but I remember that it was a guy who was blowing me. It was honestly better than any blowjob I’ve had in real life, which when I think about is a little sad.” He added a small laugh, and then looked at Chan. “What about you?”

“Uh, mine was a little more hardcore.” He said awkwardly, avoiding direct eye contact with Woojin. “I got fucked, like really hard. I was basically bent in half.” He could see Woojin’s eyes widen and he smiled. “It was good.”

“That makes mine seem so boring. But you didn’t see his face then? The guy who fucked you?” Chan chuckled awkwardly and shook his head.

“I was on my back, with my legs against my chest, just kinda held down.” He explained, and Woojin’s smile grew.

“So you did see his face! Was it someone you know?” Chan’s eyes widened, and shook his head a second too late, and Woojin knew the answer. “Who was it? Was it someone I know?” He asked, and Chan pressed his lips together, miming locking them up and throwing away the key. Woojin frowned, miming grabbing the key in the air and unlocking Chan’s mouth. The younger man stuck his tongue out at him, and they giggled quietly.

“Okay okay, I’ll tell you. No, actually, guess first.” He finally said, and Woojin screwed his face up in thought.

“Is it someone in the company?” He asked, and Chan nodded. “Is it… someone we’re close to?”

“Very close.” Chan answered, and Woojin nodded.

“Hm… Is it a member?” Heat rose in Chan’s ears, and he bit his lip and nodded almost hesitantly. “Okay, eight options. Born in the nineties or the aughts?”

“Nineties.” The blush spread, and he knew that even if the light was low in the room, Woojin would definitely be able to see it colouring his cheeks. Woojin cleared his throat, and Chan could feel his knee moving nervously.

“Okay, is it either of Minho or Changbin?” Chan wanted to sink into the earth, anxiety and shame filling his chest, but he shook his head nonetheless, staring stubbornly at Woojin’s collar bone. “So it’s me?”

“Y-yeah.” He saw Woojin’s fingers come into view and push his chin up, his teary eyes meeting Woojin’s warm ones.

“You don’t have to feel bad okay? I don’t think you’re gross.” He assured, and Chan nodded, happily letting the older man him into an embrace.

“How can you be so mature? We’re the same age, what the fuck.” Chan mumbled, and he felt rather than heard Woojin’s laughter, vibrating through his chest.

“Someone has to be the mom in this group.” He mumbled back, and Chan grinned, pushing himself up until he was breathing right into Woojin’s ear.

“ _Thought you were the Daddy._ ” He whispered, making his voice as breathy and sensual as possible, earning a knee to the thigh from the older man.

“I’m not even gonna comment on that. Just cuddle me man.” Woojin said, and for once he was the big spoon, wrapping his strong body around Chan.

“Why would you call me man when I just admitted to having a wet dream about you?” Chan said, his lids heavy as the scent of Woojin embraced him, the warmth making him sleepy.

“Just sleep now Channie.”

 

Woojin; bright smile, strongest person he knew, best friend, wonderful voice, beautiful legs, especially in tall socks. Wait, what?

“Woojin hyung, are you wearing knee socks?” Jisung asked, turning Chan and Minho’s attention to their oldest, who was standing in the door way to his bedroom. He was wearing denim shorts that hit under the knee, light gray socks disappearing up underneath them.

“Yes? I mean no? They’re thigh high socks.” He grabbed the edge of his shorts and lifted it, showing hem of the socks. They were decorated with a lace edge and a bow on the front, and Jisung gasped, running up to him from the couch to touch his thighs. Chan bit his lip as he watched Woojin wiggle out of his shorts to show Jisung properly, his muscles flexing and unflexing as he moved his legs around.

“You look hot in that hyung! Don’t you agree, Chan hyung?” Minho said and Chan nodded.

“Hyung, come with me!” Jisung said, dragging Woojin with him to Chan, Minho, Seungmin, and Hyunjin’s bedroom, a mischievous grin on his face. Chan and Minho looked after them in confusion, but then shrugged, going back to their laptops. Jisung ran in again a few minutes later, clapping his hands to get their attention.

“What did you do you rat?” Minho asked, eyebrows furrowed, and Jisung dramatically cleared his throat.

“Hyung, come on out!” He sing-songed, and when Woojin stepped Chan nearly choked on his own spit.

“That’s my sweater!” Was the only thing he could blurt out, staring at Woojin’s soft form; he had borrowed one of the biggest sweaters Chan owned, and it fell to the middle of Woojin’s thighs. There was a soft flush on his cheeks, and he played with the hems of the sleeves, looking at the two men on the couch with a bashful smile.

“Isn’t that a kink of yours hyung?” Minho asked Chan, and the blonde man turned to stare at him. “What? I found porn on your phone when I borrowed it yesterday. You should close your browser windows when you’ve finished.”

“What kink?” Woojin asked in confusion, and Chan stared daggers into Minho, trying to get him to shut up.

“Y’know, guys in feminine clo-” Chan slapped a hand over Minho’s mouth, screeching and pulling it away when the younger man licked his palm. “Crossdressing! And I’m pretty sure you have a leg fetish, based on what I saw.” He said it so casually, and Chan smacked his thigh in indignation.

“Oh, fun.” Woojin said, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Chan, holding his knees together and pulling his sweater down where it had ridden up. Chan gulped, keeping his eyes trained on his screen. He focused hard on work, so he didn’t notice when Minho and Jisung left the room. He was only made aware of it when Woojin smacked his thigh with his sweaterpaws.

“What?” He asked, looking around in the room and realising it was only them in there.

“Channie.” He whined, and Chan felt his chest warm with fondness.

“Do you need something?” He asked, closing his laptop and putting it on the couch, surprised when Woojin climbed onto his lap, side pressed against his chest.

“Do you like them?” He asked, grabbing Chan’s hand and placing it on his knee. Chan gulped, moving his hand up and down slightly before answering.

“Yeah. You have really beautiful legs Woojin, they look amazing in these socks.” Woojin smiled at his answer, staring intently at his face.

“Do you really have a leg fetish?” He asked, and Chan huffed.

“I wouldn’t say it’s a fetish, I just like legs. Kind of a problem when I’m stuck around eight guys who all have pretty legs.” He said, and Woojin snorted, sticking one leg out close to Chan’s face.

“Am I your favorite Chan?” He asked, fluttering his eyelashes jokingly. Chan ignored the weight in his stomach, instead admiring the limb in front of him.

“Maybe, maybe not.” He answered, and his smile turned smug when Woojin stuck his tongue out at him.

“Admit it Chan, you’re totally attracted me.” He joked, but his smirk fell when Chan frowned. “Chan? Did I say something wrong?” He asked softly and Chan sighed.

“Bad memories, it’s alright. I would rather not talk about it.” He said, and Woojin pulled him in for a hug, both of them squealing when they tipped over on the couch, legs and arms tangled together. They giggled, Chan pressing their foreheads together. “You’re the best, y’know that right?” Woojin smiled and pecked him on the nose.

“I’m here for you.” He said simply, sitting up again. Chan followed, biting his lip as he watched Woojin stand up, his quads rippling lightly, and Chan’s mouth watered as he thought about sucking on them. He tore his gaze away before Woojin could notice, opening up his laptop again.

 

_Chan was in an apartment he didn’t recognise, but that didn’t matter; Woojin was sitting in an armchair in front of him, beautiful legs pronounced by the thigh high socks he was wearing. He walked up to the older man and kneeled in front of him._

_“What a good boy I have. Get between my legs.” Woojin said and spread his legs, and Chan crawled forward so his face was at the same level as Woojin’s thighs._

_“Can I mark you Woojin?” He asked, and the older man grabbed his hair and pulled him to his groin._

_“They’re all yours baby boy.” Woojin said and bit his lip, and Chan shuddered before latching onto the tan skin, carefully sucking while watching Woojin’s face. “God, you’re so good, just like that.” Chan moaned, licking over the bruise he had just created._

_“You’re gorgeous Woojin.” He whispered, and Woojin smiled at him._

_“Keep going baby, then you can suck Daddy’s dick.”_

 

Dance practice was going well, everyone focused and doing their best. Well, everyone apart from Chan.

"You're doing great boys, one more run through before we take a longer break. Chan, you gotta be quicker there at the transition to Hyunjin's solo, you're a bit behind." Their dance coach said, and Chan nodded, taking a long swig of water. He knew he was distracted, and the reason was standing right in front of him, tan legs shimmering from sweat. Woojin was talking to Jeongin, and Chan cursed him in his head for deciding to wear those loose shorts with a tank top, showing his soft but strong body extremely well.

“You feeling okay Chan hyung? You look kinda tired.” Changbin asked, and Chan gave him a smile.

“Yeah, just a bit out of it today. I’ll be fine.” He reassured, and Changbin patted him on the shoulder. They resumed dancing, Chan forcing himself to only look at himself in the mirror and keep his eyes away from Woojin; it worked thankfully, and the rest of dance practice ran by smoothly, only a few minor hiccups.

After dance practice they continued with their individual schedules, but due to a mix up Chan got to leave early. He contemplated going to the studio and working, but decided he really needed some rest. He sent a text to the groupchat to explain that he would be home, and then started making his way home, deep in thought about a track he had been working on the last couple days.

As soon as he arrived home he kicked off his shoes and dropped his backpack on the floor, relieved to be able to rest. He shuffled into his bedroom, stripping down to his underwear and climbing up into his bed. It was nice to just lay down and rest for a while, but he quickly got restless, a tingling sensation spreading in his limbs. He frowned, grabbing his phone from next to his pillow to find some type of distraction.

Chan found himself on Twitter, soon giving into the temptation to search up porn and jerk off; only his hand wasn’t satisfying, and he grumbled as he climbed out of bed to find his bottle of lube. He had hidden it with his socks, and he brought it with him to the bathroom, where he put it on the counter with his phone. He ignored the uncomfortable knot in his stomach as he snatched a plastic glove from one of the drawers in the kitchen and went back to the bathroom.

He had fingered himself a few times before, but it wasn’t something he ever wanted to admit to doing. His face was hot with shame as he kneeled on the floor, leaning forward so he could reach back to his ass, closing his eyes as he pushed in the first finger.

Woojin flooded his mind, his legs, his chest, his back, his hands. He let out a shaky breath, imagining what it would be like if the older man was fingering him instead.

“ _Shit._ ” He gasped, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he added more lube to his fingers and pushed in a second digit as well, imagining what it would be like to be split open by Woojin’s cock.

Woojin had the biggest dick in Stray Kids, all of them knew. Minho had seen him with morning wood one day and immediately ran to Jisung and Hyunjin, ducking from the pillow that Woojin had thrown at him. They brought it up sometimes to mess with him, and Woojin had learned to roll with it, going along with the jokes.

Now Chan was imagining how it would feel in his hands, in his mouth, between his legs, inside his asshole. The arousal burned away the shame in his stomach, and he let out small moans as he added a third finger, leaking precum onto the floor.

“Woojin.” He breathed out, and his cock twitched, a surge of electricity running up his spine. “ _Fuck_ , _Daddy_.” He whispered, moving his free hand to stroke his length as he pushed his fingers in as far as possible, pumping in and out.

Chan wanted him so bad, he realised; he wanted to be held down and fucked brutally by the older man, just like in his dream. He arched his back as he tried to reach his prostate, brushing past the bundle of nerves deliciously. He moaned loudly, spreading his legs more and leaning his forehead against the wall.

“ _Daddy, fuck me._ ” He whispered, and a shiver ran through his body. “ _Please fuck me, I’ll be a good boy for you._ ” The words were stoking the fire in his stomach, and he kept talking to himself, pleading and begging to be held down and used. He came quickly, drool dripping from his bottom lip as he panted heavily, eyes unfocused. He blinked, groaning when he saw the mess he had made on the floor. He double checked the door, locking it when he realised he hadn’t done so earlier, and cleaned up. He decided to take a shower as well, hearing the door slam shut halfway through conditioning his hair.

“Chan?” Woojin’s voice rang through the apartment, and Chan tried to push the fresh memories of what he had just done to the back of his mind.

“Yeah? I’m in the shower!” He shouted back, and when Woojin spoke again his voice was just outside of the bathroom.

“I’m gonna go grocery shopping, wanna go with me when you’re done?” He asked, and Chan frowned when he heard how tired he sounded.

“Sure, I’m done soon!” He heard Woojin walk away, and he finished up as quickly as possible, making sure to hide his bottle of lube in his shower caddy before he left the bathroom, towel wrapped around his hips. He draped it over his shoulders when he entered his bedroom, picking up his sweatpants from the floor and pulling them on.

“Hey.” Woojin said from the door, and Chan turned around while pulling on a sleeveless black button up, deft fingers buttoning it up. Woojin was blushing slightly, smiling at him.

“What do we need? I know we’re nearly out of milk, and Jisung wanted more shrimp.” He said, ruffling his damp hair with the towel, and Woojin held up a piece of paper.

“I’ve got it.” He said, leaning against the door frame as he watched Chan get fully dressed, slipping a face mask and a beanie on, completing his all black attire. Woojin followed him into the hallway, standing still while Chan pulled on his shoes.

“You gonna put your shoes on bear?” He asked as he straightened up, and squeaked when Woojin stepped forward and crowded him against the wall.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked quietly, and Chan’s eyes widened. He quickly regained his composure however, pulling the face mask down just before Woojin pushed their lips together, cradling Chan’s cheeks as they kissed. He moved so soft and slow, and Chan felt a shiver run down his spine when Woojin scratched behind his ear. He broke away to look at the older man, staring into his warm eyes.

“Thank you?” He said, and Woojin smiled, leaning in again to peck Chan’s lips one last time.

“You’re welcome.” He responded, stepping away to put his shoes on, leaving Chan with a stomach full of butterflies. He blinked before shaking his head and following Woojin out of the apartment.

 

“Dibs on rooming with Hyunjin!” Changbin shouted, clinging onto the taller man’s arm. Minho grabbed Felix’s hand, Jisung stepped closer to their manager, and Seungmin and Jeongin looked down at their interlocked elbows before turning to Woojin and Chan.

“Guess it’s us then Channie? Sure you can handle me?” Woojin joked, and Chan played along, rolling his eyes before grabbing onto his arm and pulling him to their shared hotelroom.

“Don’t fuck too loudly.” Jeongin said under his breath as they walked past each other, and if Seungmin hadn’t pulled him away in time Chan would have slapped his arm. Woojin chuckled, throwing his arm around Chan’s shoulder as they walked into the room. Chan threw himself onto the closest bed, letting out a loud sigh as his stiff body relaxed on the soft mattress.

Woojin laid down next to him, and Chan smiled, rolling onto his side so they were facing each other. It reminded him of his wet dream from two weeks ago, and he couldn’t help but glance at Woojin’s hand, broad and strong underneath his head.

“I know for a fact that I’m not gonna be able to fall asleep for a couple of hours, what about you?” Chan said.

“Same.” Woojin said, scooting closer to Chan and tucking himself under his chin. Chan chuckled, patting his back.

“You’ve been very cuddly lately Woojin.” He murmured, and Woojin slung an arm over his waist, holding him even closer. They laid there together for a long while, the silence only disturbed by their breathing and occasional noises from the neighboring rooms. Woojin started tracing patterns across Chan’s clothed chest, craning his head up to look at the younger man.

“Do you think it would be weird if we made out right now?” He asked, and Chan chuckled.

“We make out all the time, you don’t have to make it awkward.” He said, and Woojin pushed himself up on his elbow, looking down at Chan with an intense gaze. Even if they made out casually all the time - mostly late at night in the bathroom and occasionally in Woojin’s bed - it had never gone farther than that, apart from that one time Chan had grabbed Woojin’s ass. Chan had always made sure to break it off before he could get hard, even if Woojin looked confused and kind of sad when he did.

“Yeah, but I wanna do it in a more fun way, if you get me.” He said and bit his lip, and Chan held back the shudder building at the top of his spine.

“Fun like how?” He asked, and Woojin leaned down, bypassing his lips to kiss his neck instead. “W-Woojin?”

“You’re so good Chan, so good.” He whispered against the pale skin, and Chan shivered, thighs squeezing together subconsciously. “Do you like it when I praise you?” Woojin said into his ear, and Chan let out a small shaky breath.

“Y-yes.” He gasped out, and Woojin skimmed a hand over his side down to his thigh, gripping his quad gently and pulling it up so it was draped over Woojin’s hip. “Please more.” A voice in the back of his mind was screaming to stop, that he would only get hurt if he kept going. He pushed it away however, deciding to not question why Woojin was doing this and to just go with it.

“What do you want me to do? Tell me.” Woojin said, and Chan sucked in air between his teeth.

“Can you hold me down?” He asked, and Woojin smiled, rolling on top of him and bringing his wrists together.

“Like this?” He said, holding Chan’s arms above his head, and Chan nodded fervently, craning his head up in a plea for Woojin’s mouth.

“Please kiss me.” Woojin smiled, and leaned down and pressed their lips together. He tasted like chocolate, and Chan opened his mouth for him, letting Woojin take full control. The older man hummed in satisfaction, pushing Chan’s legs apart and kneeling inbetween them, leaning forward over him. They pulled away from each other, and Chan stared up at Woojin with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“ _Good boy._ ” Woojin murmured, and Chan’s hips jolted up at the words, his erection knocking into Woojin’s own. They froze, staring into each other’s eyes, before Chan shrunk in on himself, turning his head to the side and closing his eyes in an useless attempt to hold back the tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He mumbled, and Woojin let go of his wrists and sat up, mouth open like he was about to say something but didn’t know what. Chan curled up, wrapping an arm around his knees and throwing the other over his face.

“What are you saying sorry for Chan?” Woojin finally asked, crawling over to Chan and wrapping him into a hug. “Please tell me.” Chan sniffled and removed his arm from his face to wipe his eyes with two fingers.

“I feel gross, and I know I shouldn’t, but it still feels so gross.” He muttered, and Woojin hummed, rubbing a hand along his spine. “I don’t know what to do Woojin.”

“You’re not gross, I promise.” The older man reassured, and Chan frowned.

“It feels wrong.” He said.

“What do you mean wrong?” Woojin asked, and Chan shrugged, shoving his face into the junction between Woojin’s neck and shoulders, taking in the calming scent of _home_.

“I feel gross for wanting to do sexual things with other men. It’s been ingrained into my head that it’s wrong, so even if I try to ignore it I just…” He shrugged again, and Woojin carded his fingers into his coarse hair, combing out the tangles. Chan relaxed more at the touch, letting out a long sigh.

“But what about me? I was hard too, I wanted it as much as you did.” Woojin said softly, and Chan was glad Woojin couldn’t see his face, since the words made him blush. “Am I gross for that?”

“No! Of course not. I don’t believe that, but everytime I do something like it I just feel so bad.” Chan answered quickly, pulling away a little to look at Woojin’s face. “In my head, it only applies to me; another guy being feminine or being with other guys sexually is totally fine in my mind, but I can’t accept myself doing it.” He pressed the heel of his palm against his eyes, sighing loudly.

“I want to help you Chan, but I don’t know how to.” Woojin sighed, face set in a frown. “So you have to tell me, okay? Tell me what you want me to do.” Chan swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“I don’t know. But I liked what we just did, most of it.” He said, and Woojin smiled, brushing his lips over Chan’s forehead.

“Do you think it would help to keep doing things like it? Only if you want to of course.” He said, adding the last part as a reassurance, and Chan sighed happily.

“I would love it.” He pushed himself up on his elbow and smiled at Woojin, suddenly struck by the domestic implications of their position; him looking fondly down at Woojin and the older man smiling widely up at him, both of them with bare faces and messy hair. Their legs were tangled together, and Woojin was running his fingers up and down Chan’s back. The older man seemed to notice him stiffening, since he looked up at him with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong now?” He asked, and Chan laid down facing him.

“I don’t know.” He lied, scooting in closer so their noses were touching. “A lot on my mind.” He mumbled in a noncommittal way, pushing only his head forward to plant a kiss on Woojin’s mouth.

“Do you want to take it off your mind?” Woojin asked with a certain heat behind his words, and Chan gulped before nodding. “Okay, tell me what you want to do.” Chan let out a long breath as he thought, comforted by the way Woojin kept a hand on his hip.

“I liked when you held me still by my wrists.” He said shyly, and Woojin squeezed his hip, encouraging him to go on. “And when you praised me.”

“Did you like when I called you _good boy_?” Woojin asked, and Chan shivered, nodding eagerly.

“I loved it.” He added in a whisper, and Woojin pecked his cheek.

“I want to try something, but first we need a safeword.” Chan blinked in confusion.

“Safeword?”

“Yeah, since you get nervous so easily. Do you know the stoplight system?” Chan shook his head. “Green for continue, yellow for wait, red for stop. So you just use those, okay?” He nodded, letting Woojin pull him up and to the edge of the bed.

“What do you want to do?” He asked, and Woojin sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and patting his knees.

“C’mere.” He said, and Chan moved so he was straddling him, nervously fiddling with the chain around his wrist and not looking Woojin in the eyes. “Can I touch your ass?” The older man asked, and Chan exhaled before nodding, gasping when Woojin did so, gently squeezing and massaging his asscheeks. Chan bit his tongue, trying to keep back the ‘ _Daddy_ ’ sitting heavily in his mouth.

“Thank you.” He breathed out, and put his hands on Woojin’s shoulders. “Green.” He added, and Woojin chuckled, leaning up to connect their lips.

“You’re so polite Channie, such a good boy.” He mumbled into Chan’s mouth, and the younger man squirmed, gripping harder with his hands. Woojin shifted between moving their lips together and sucking gently on Chan’s tongue, drawing breathy moans from the back of his throat.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Chan hissed when Woojin broke away from his mouth and licked up his neck to behind his ear. His entire body jolted when Woojin sucked a small mark there, and he slapped a hand over his mouth to stay quiet, only small whimpers being able to escape.

“Pretty baby.” Woojin giggled, kissing all over Chan’s neck and his exposed shoulder. Chan’s breathing was ragged and heavy, and his lip was quivering, mind getting hazier by the minute.

“A-am I your pretty baby?” He asked, and Woojin stopped for a second to look at his face, but then cooed, grabbing Chan’s chin to pull him in for a quick kiss.

“Yes, my pretty baby.” He said, and Chan smiled at him, pressing their bodies together by wrapping a leg around Woojin’s waist. His breath barely hitched when their cocks pressed together through the fabric of their sweatpants, instead welcoming the friction and rocking against the older man. He only stopped because he realised Woojin had gone still, and he looked at his face in worry.

“Woojin?” He asked, and Woojin took a shaky breath before firmly grabbing Chan’s thighs and standing up. Chan yelped and clung onto him, relaxing only when he was laid down on his back on the bed. He still held onto Woojin, who held himself up with a hand on each side of Chan’s head.

“Too fast baby, calm down.” Woojin said, stroking Chan’s cheek when he frowned. “We’ll take it easy, okay? I don’t want you to hurt yourself mentally.” Chan’s frown deepened, and squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again he was more himself, not as loopy as previously.

“I’ll be fine.” He muttered, and pushed Woojin away from him while sitting up. “I’m gonna go pee before bed.” He added, getting out of the bed and walking quickly to the bathroom. He ignored Woojin’s pleas for him to come back and talk, closing the door behind him and sinking down on the floor.

“Chan? Please Chan, what did I do wrong? Please don’t run away from me, I want to help you.” Woojin said, and Chan wanted to scream hearing how broken he sounded.

“I’m fine.” He said, but his voice betrayed him, too shaky for him to not be on the edge of tears.

“Please Channie, let me in. I want to help you.” Woojin cracked open the door, just enough for Chan to see his frowning face.

“Help me.” He whispered, and Woojin opened the door enough to slip through. He sat down across from Chan and grasped his hands.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, and I need you to tell me what it is. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” Woojin said softly, and Chan took a deep breath.

“I want you.” He said quietly, not looking up at the older man. “I want you so bad, but I can’t… I can’t feel like that about one of my bandmates, my best friend. Everytime I’m turned on I think about you, and I hate myself for it.” He sniffled, not caring to stop the tears now running down his cheeks. “You’re so fucking attractive and beautiful and I’ve had so many wet dreams about you that I can’t look at you without thinking about it.” He finally looked up at Woojin, and was surprised to find him with an embarassed blush on his face. The older man cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I have to admit to something. A while ago you went home early, and well… I nearly walked in on you masturbating in the bathroom. I heard you moaning my name, and then when you begged to be used.” Chan stared at him, every cell in his body telling him to run out from the room, but Woojin quickly soothed him, kneeling in front of Chan to hug him tightly.

“So you heard me call you _Daddy_ …?” Chan whispered, barely audible, and Woojin pulled back to nod and caress his face.

“And it wasn’t gross, or wrong, or anything that otherwise wonderful brain tries to tell you.” He reassured, wiping away the tears on his cheeks.

“B-but don’t you think it’s weird?” Chan said, and Woojin smiled at him gently.

“More like I thought it was hot. Why do you think I kissed you before we went to the store?” Chan’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“Wait, why would you think it was hot?” Woojin raised an eyebrow at him.

“‘Cause I’m not straight either? And I think you’re hot?” Chan could only stare at him, not able to put it together in his head.

“ _What?_ ” He said, his voice more high pitched than usual, and Woojin slapped a hand to his forehead.

“Do you seriously think I’m straight? We’ve made out like every night for the past week!” Chan’s ears turned red, and he threw his hands up in the air.

“I didn’t want to assume anything! What if you just wanted to experiment?”

“I just told you I think you’re hot! And earlier I got hard from making out with you, how straight is that?” Chan could feel the heat spread from his ears to his face, and he buried his face in his palms and groaned loudly.

“Well I’m sorry for being an idiot! I just never thought someone so fucking gorgeous like you could be attracted to me!” He whined, and he heard Woojin emit choking sounds; when he removed his hands the older man was laughing silently into his sleeve, shoulders shaking violently. When Chan looked at him he started laughing out loud, holding his stomach. “What?!”

“We’re both idiots! We’re both fucking stupid!” Woojin said between gasped laughter and crawled forward to seat himself on Chan’s lap. “We’re both dumb! Fucking dumbass hours over here!” Chan looked up at him in confusion, but wrapped his arms around Woojin’s waist to keep him steady.

“Woojin, please explain what you’re talking about.” He pleaded, and Woojin took a deep breath before leaning down and kissing Chan right on the mouth, firmly but without tongue.

“I’m so goddamn gay for you Chan, I’ve just been denying it for months. When you came out to me I felt like I could actually examine my feelings for you.” Woojin said when he broke away, and Chan’s eyes widened even more.

“Wait, what do you mean feelings?” He asked, and Woojin blushed and shrugged.

“I don’t know Channie, I just know that sometimes when I look at you the only thing I want to do is make you scream my name.” He admitted, and Chan gulped, eyes flitting down to the growing bulge in Woojin’s pants.

“I want that.” He whispered. “I want that so bad but I’m… I’m scared Woojin.” Woojin frowned, pecking him on the cheek.

“Tell me what you’re scared of, and I’ll do my best to help you.” Chan nodded and pulled him closer, letting the scent of the older man surround him.

“Can we go to bed first? It’ll be easier for me to talk if we’re in bed.” He said, and Woojin kissed him before getting up, pulling him with him out of the bathroom.

They stripped down to their underwear before getting into one of the beds, facing each other with their hands intertwined. Chan took in the details on Woojin’s face, the shadow around his mouth, his hooked nose, the slight bags under his eyes, the warm glow of his skin, the way the corners of his mouth quirked up, his bangs falling into his eyes.

“Take your time baby, okay? You can do this.” Woojin reassured and Chan nodded, playing with Woojin’s fingers.

“I’m… afraid of penetration, but not because it’s scary, but because it makes me feel gross. One time I tried bottoming for BamBam and I couldn’t even take one finger before I started crying. So I’ve never done it, I’ve always topped ‘cause it didn’t feel as bad.” He sniffled, hooking one leg around Woojin’s. “But then a few months ago I couldn’t stop thinking about fingering myself, and I tried it.”

“And you liked it?” Woojin asked gently, and Chan bit his lip.

“Yeah, but I felt so ashamed afterwards. I thought I would never do it again, but I did it again, and again.” Woojin chuckled and his face flushed.

“I knew that much.” He mumbled, and they looked away from each other in embarassment.

“But those wet dreams I had just made it all worse, ‘cause suddenly you were the only thing on my mind. Your face, your legs, your fucking hands.” Chan added, and Woojin smiled, bringing his free hand up to caress the younger man’s cheeks. “I’ve never wanted someone to finger me before, but shit-” He cut himself off when Woojin gently drew his fingers down his neck, letting out a small moan.

“And you wanted me to fuck you too?” He asked gently, and Chan nodded, his breathing heavy. “But I don’t want to make you cry Channie.” Chan frowned, moving closer to Woojin so the older man could feel his growing erection against his own.

“We could go slow, so both of us are comfortable.” He whispered, and he heard Woojin’s breath hitch when he grinded forward. He moved carefully, sighing at the pleasant sensation of their cocks pressing together, and kept his eyes on Woojin’s face for any signs of discomfort.

“You sure _baby boy_?” Woojin asked, and Chan nodded eagerly. Woojin grinded back gently and kissed Chan softly. Chan became pliant under him, opening up his mouth and welcoming the faint taste of chocolate.

Woojin grabbed Chan and pulled him on top of him as he rolled onto his back. They pulled away from each other and Woojin grinnned at him.

“What do you want me to do Woojin?” Chan whispered, and Woojin wiggled his way into a sitting position, keeping Chan on his lap.

“Do you want to call me _Daddy?_ ‘Cause I would love if you did.” Woojin said quietly, and Chan smiled shyly and nodded. “Now tell me what you want to do.”

“ _Daddy_ , can I ride your thigh?” Chan asked, and Woojin nodded, cradling his face and kissing him. He lifted his other hand to Chan’s hip and kept him steady as he moved to straddle only one of Woojin’s thighs. The younger man stayed still, even if his thighs twitched with excitement. He looked into Woojin’s eyes, chewing on his bottom lip.

“C’mon baby, you can move.” Woojin encouraged, and Chan started rutting carefully, small mewls and pants rushing past his lips.

“ _Daddy… Daddy_ it feels so good.” He mumbled, and Woojin leaned down to kiss his exposed shoulder and neck.

“Good boy, you’re doing so good.” He said; Chan’s hips jolted forward at the praise and he whimpered, leaning his head to the side so Woojin had more access to the fair skin.

“Thank you _Daddy._ ” He breathed out and looked into Woojin’s eyes, mouth slightly open as he panted.

“You’re so polite _baby boy_ , how could I deserve such a good boy?” Woojin said fondly, and Chan moved faster, a small smile on his red lips.

“ _Chris is a good boy for Daddy_.” He said, and giggled when Woojin’s mouth fell open in surprise. “Did Daddy understand me?”

“ _I did. Daddy loves it._ ” Woojin said, struggling only a little with his words, and Chan melted, surging forward to kiss Woojin needily.

“I love when you speak English to me.” He said between kisses, and Woojin smiled against his lips.

“ _Pretty baby, Daddy’s pretty baby."_ Woojin’s words went straight to Chan’s dick, and he could feel himself leaking, creating a damp spot in his underwear. He turned his pelvis inward, so his cock was pressing constantly against Woojin’s thigh.

“Touch my ass, _please Daddy_.” He begged, whining in the back of his throat when Woojin gripped his ass cheeks, massaging and pulling them apart. He resumed kissing Chan’s neck and shoulder, and then started biting gently, creating red marks on his collarbone.

“ _You’re doing so good._ ” Woojin said against his skin, and Chan whimpered and rutted faster, all the different sensations Woojin was bombarding him with making the coil in his stomach curl up hard, quickly threatening to snap.

“ _Daddy_ , I wanna cum, _please Daddy_ I wanna cum.” He whispered, and Woojin spanked him.

“You’re gonna be the death of me.” He whispered, one hand snaking down to run along Chan’s crack and over his clothed asshole. Chan’s breath hitched nervously, but he quickly relaxed at the sensation of Woojin rubbing his finger tips over his entrance. He moaned and closed his eyes, letting Woojin guide his hips until the coil snapped, and he soaked his underwear with semen. His entire body shuddered and he leaned his body against Woojin’s, suddenly feeling the exhaustion.

“ _Fuck._ ” He muttered, rubbing at his eyes with one hand.

“That might be the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.” Woojin breathed out, and Chan smiled at him, blinking his eyes open to take in the older man’s flushed face and open mouth.

“Thank you.” Chan whispered, and Woojin pulled him in for a kiss, softly stroking down his messy hair.

“We should shower, we stink.” He giggled when they parted, and Chan pouted, looking down at the large tent in the older man’s underwear.

“But what about you?” He asked and bit his lip, and Woojin smiled at him.

“You can take care of it in the bathroom if you want.” He suggested, and Chan nodded, dragging Woojin with him into the bathroom. He turned on the shower head on half pressure, so it drizzled quietly as it heated up. He pushed Woojin against counter and sunk down on his knees, grinning up at the older man when his mouth dropped open.

“How many times have you had your dick sucked?” Chan asked as he pulled Woojin’s underwear down, mouth salivating at the girth and length. Woojin let out a shaky breath and shrugged.

“Not many.” Chan stuck out his tongue and kitten licked the flushed head, making Woojin shudder.

“Have you ever fucked someone’s mouth?” He asked, voice sensually low as he looked up through his eyelashes. He heard Woojin’s breath hitch, and the older man shook his head. Chan winked at him before opening his mouth and wrapping his lips around the head.

“Fuck…” Woojin said under his breath, one hand coming up to run through Chan’s hair. Chan grabbed the hand and placed it on top of his head, and pulled off from his cock.

“Pull my hair _Daddy._ ” He begged, and Woojin nodded, threading his fingers into the coarse curls and tugging loosely. Chan moaned, wrapping his mouth around Woojin’s cock again and sinking down slowly. He kept eye contact with the older man, enjoying the way his eyes widened when he slid down farther and farther, until his nose was pressed into Woojin’s curly pubes. He swallowed around it before pulling back slowly, bobbing around the head. He whined when Woojin pulled him off completely, looking up at him with teary eyelashes.

“Holy fuck, where did you learn how to do that?” He asked bewildered, and Chan chuckled.

“BamBam taught me.” He said simply, diving back in and opening his mouth wide, moaning when the head hit the back of his throat. He looked up at Woojin, bobbing up and down a little. Woojin was completely frozen, and Chan whined at him, which seemed to snap him out of it.

“What is it  _baby boy_?” He asked, sounding out of breath, and Chan pulled off of his cock to pout.

“Fuck my throat _Daddy. Use my mouth_.” He whispered, and he saw a shiver go through Woojin; the older man carefully brought him back down on his cock. Chan relaxed his jaw, keeping his hands on Woojin’s hips as he started to thrust shallowly.

“You’re so fucking hot Chan.” He breathed out, and Chan smiled around the member in his mouth as well as he could. He moaned as Woojin pushed in farther, and he let his eyes flutter closed when Woojin thrusted in particularly hard.

He could feel his dick twitch in interest as Woojin started fucking his mouth in earnest, both hands now gripping onto Chan’s hair. He was muttering curses and praises under his breath, and Chan felt pride bloom in his chest when he realised that they were all directed towards him. He tried to match Woojin’s pace, but the older man’s movements were far too aggressive. He settled for just keeping his throat open, loving the way Woojin used his mouth.

He pulled back when he felt Woojin’s thrusts shudder, and the older man caressed his cheek.

“You okay? Need a break?” He asked, and Chan shook his head, grasping Woojin’s cock with both hands and jerking it off, licking the head.

“I want you to come on my face.” He said, his voice hoarse, and Woojin nodded fervently, leaning back against the counter on his hands.

“You make _Daddy_ feel so good.” The older man murmured, and Chan beamed, twisting his hands faster until he saw the muscles in Woojin’s abdomen tense up, and without a warning he came, painting Chan’s face with cum. The younger man licked up the streaks around his mouth, wiping off some that had gotten on his nose and sucking it off his fingers.

“ _Thank you Daddy._ ” He whispered, and Woojin let out a big breath. He leaned down, and then hesitantly kissed Chan, tasting himself on the younger’s lips.

“Let’s shower now, we’re both gross and sticky.” Woojin mumbled into his mouth, and let Chan pull off his underwear completely. They showered together in silence, washing each others hair and backs.

It was when they were cuddled up to each other afterwards - in the bed that they hadn’t just dirtied - that the anixety started swelling in Chan’s chest. But then Woojin craned his head back and kissed him on the mouth sleepily, and he felt it dissolve.

He let sleep overtake him, a smile on his lips from the knowledge that he was safely with the man that he loved.

Wait, what?

**Author's Note:**

> :3 didn't see that one coming did you!!!!!!
> 
> check me out on twitter @/toothywoochan and come scream in my curiouscat inbox


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